Lost Girl

My first communion. The first time I received the body and blood of Christ. Every year, starting at this age, maybe even sooner, my classmates and I were shown the crucifixion of Christ and how he died for our sins. Christ’s crucifixion was my first horror movie. No joke. These films were pulled from someone’s nightmares, and adults thought it was a good idea to show children just how much we owe our lives, and, more importantly, our faith, to Jesus by watching them.

For me, the guilt was unbearable. I cried hysterically. The nuns and priests loved it! They were proud that I had such a profound experience watching Jesus being tortured, then nailed to a cross, asking his Father for forgiveness. I mean, what a mind-fuck!

My most memorable first communion was the first time I tasted those round wafers. From that moment on, every time we were forced to go to Mass, I used that opportunity to convince my classmates to give me their wafers since a handful didn’t like the taste. Weirdly, I don’t remember ever drinking anything. Imagine if I sipped everyone’s wine. I’d beg to go to Mass every day!

So, here’s this young Catholic schoolgirl, being told to believe, to have faith, or I’d go to hell. Shit! In my impressionable mind, I sometimes thought I’d be nailed to the cross if I sinned or worse. I was too young to grasp how much worse it could be, but I did think it might involve flames. That’s when I started questioning the nuns’ and priests’ teachings. So much so, the nuns used to ignore my raised hand. If I hadn’t gotten the point, they would scoff at me and tell me to put my arm down.

I remember this time in my life. I felt lost, confused, scared, lonely, and guilty. Little did I know that I would find my church four years after my first communion. My fellow congregation involved many species, but not humans. My church’s architectural beauty could never be copied or compared, and it would change with the seasons. Most importantly, I would learn how expansive love can be. It’s a type of love that humans have yet to learn. If we had, this world would rotate much differently.

This lost girl and her long-awaited journey inspired Alyvia, the character in my first book. Just like this lost girl, Alyvia has no idea of the genuine friendships she will discover—the challenges and beauty that come with unconditional love, and where this newfound adventure will take her. Hope you all will enjoy the ride as much as I enjoyed writing her story. Don’t worry, I don’t curse in my book. It’s safe for all ages.

Archy & Alyvia, aiming for summer 2027.