Lost Girl

My first communion. The first time I received the body and blood of Christ. Every year, starting at this age, maybe even sooner, my classmates and I were shown the crucifixion of Christ and how he died for our sins. The crucifixion of Christ was my first horror movie. No joke. These films were pulled out of someone’s nightmares, and adult human beings thought it would be a good idea to show children just how much we owe our lives, and, more importantly, our faith to Jesus, by watching said films.

For me, the guilt was unbearable. I cried hysterically. The nuns and priests loved it! They were proud that I had such a profound experience watching Jesus being tortured, then nailed to a cross, asking his Father for forgiveness. I mean, what a mind-fuck!

My most memorable first communion was the first time I tasted those round wafers. From that moment on, every time we were forced to go to mass, I used that opportunity to convince my classmates to give me their wafers since a handful didn’t like the taste. Weirdly, I don’t remember ever drinking anything. Imagine if I sipped everyone’s wine. I’d be begging to go to mass every day!

So, here’s this little catholic school girl, being told to believe, to have faith, or I’d go to hell. Shit! In my impressionable mind, I sometimes thought I’d be nailed to the cross if I sinned or worse. I was too young to think about how much worse it could be, but I did think it could involve flames. It was at this time that I questioned the nuns’ and priests’ teachings. So much so, the nuns used to ignore my raised hand. If I hadn’t gotten the point, they would scoff at me to put my arm down.

I remember this time in my life. I felt lost, confused, scared, lonely, and guilty. Little did I know that I would find my church four years after my first communion. My fellow congregation involved many species, but not humans. My church’s architectural beauty could never be copied or compared, and would change with the seasons. Most importantly, I would learn how expansive love can be. It’s a type of love that humans have yet to learn. If we had, this world would rotate much differently.

This little lost girl and her long-awaited journey inspired the character of Alyvia in my first book. Just like this little lost girl, Alyvia has no idea of the genuine friendships she will discover—the challenges and beauty that come with unconditional love, and where this newfound adventure will take her. Hope you all will enjoy the ride as much as I have writing her story. Don’t worry, I don’t curse in my book. It’s safe for all ages.

Archy and Alyvia – Aiming for summer of 2026.